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Leah Fellers

About Leah Fellers

https://leahroshelfellers.com

Posts by Leah Fellers:

Hey girl, sprinkle a little self-love on that!

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There is a specific type of regret that is particularly hard to let go of, the kind where you blame yourself.

One powerful tip for being happier, calmer, and more fulfilled? Occasionally just cut yourself some slack. Most of us are incredibly harsh on ourselves, more than we would be with anyone else. We expect too much and don’t allow for simple mistakes or slips. In short, we demand perfection and rarely give ourselves a break.

When was the last time you said something you wished you hadn’t or didn’t finish as much work as you wanted to?

And how did you spend the rest of that day? Most likely, you spent it regretting your shortcomings and feeling stressed. Perhaps you let it eat at your self-esteem or thought you didn’t deserve nice things.

Now ask yourself: how would you have reacted had someone else told you those same things? You’d undoubtedly have given them a break and been kind to them. So how about you be the same with yourself?

This is an example of mindfulness – being mindful of your thoughts and how those things affect your mind and mood. Are your thoughts healthy? Or are they actually quite damaging?

One way to change your thoughts from a wellness perspective is to use affirmations. Combine this with post-it notes around your home that contain those notes to improve your mood and remind yourself to think more positively.

For this to work well, those notes should be things that you already believe are true to some extent. So if you feel that you are intelligent, then write a note reminding yourself of that.

“You are capable and intelligent, and things work out well for you”. write that down and stick it in your bathroom.

or 

“I am always guided in the right direction; I trust my intuition to guide me into  prosperity and wellness.”

One more important reminder that you should write in capital letters and place where you will see it the first moment you wake up.

Imagine a note right when you get up saying:

” MY ANGELS ARE ORCHESTRATING MY DAY TO BE BRILLIANT; I CAN TRUST THAT MY DAY IS LAID OUT BEFORE ME DIVINELY PLANNED.”

“LET GO AND LET GOD”

“I SURRENDER TO THE DIVINE TO MANIFEST MY REALITY TODAY”

” I CHOOSE TO WALK AND LOVE AND NOT FEAR”

Journaling can help too. Write down three things you did well today and any compliments that people gave you. You can then read these back from time to time! This has a huge impact, seeing as, for most of us, an insult has a much more significant impact on our self-image than a compliment. This practice forces you to skew that balance.

Loving Kindness Meditation and Gratitude

You can also practice being kinder to yourself with something called ‘loving kindness meditation’. This form of meditation involves spending time cultivating a feeling of kindness toward yourself. Bask in that feeling, and let it really sink in. Focus on this sensation and try to maintain it for 10 minutes at a time a few times a week. It’s truly transformative in the way you see the world.

Finally, consider cultivating a gratitude attitude. This means focusing on the things you have and the things you are happy with. This makes you more positive and brings you into the present moment, and helps you feel better about the things you have accomplished already. It’s a perfect way to combat those feelings of regret!

End your day with positive reflection and gratitude.

In that journal, you should also write down three things you are grateful for at the end of every day. This will force you to reflect on how much has gone right and what is good in your life.

Period Coaching_Menstrual Health_Fem.Me_Leah Roshel Fellers

Hormonal Balance & Blood Sugar

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Balancing your blood sugar is a vital part of finding hormonal balance. Why are your hormones important ?

Here is a list of some of the things your hormones are responsible for: lactation, stress, growth, development, sex, childbirth, menstrual cycle, sleep, respiration, mood, metabolism, digestion, sensory perception, input, and out of your urinary tract and bowel system. As you can see your hormones regulate a lot of important things. Without intentional management of your hormonal system, your everyday life can be deeply affected.

Steady blood sugar levels promote balance to everything else– your gut health, energy levels, your nervous system, and mood regulation will be supported by simply balancing your blood sugar. Say goodbye to hanger, jitters, and trembling caused by hyperglycemia and hello to healthy Insulin balance!

Balancing your blood sugar with these easy and effective tips:

Protein, fats, and slow-burning carbs are your energy superpowers. This includes complex carbs like whole grains, legumes, and brown rice. Please do not cut out all your healthy carbohydrates, research shows that women especially need healthy carbs for ovulation, a healthy menstrual cycle, gut health, focus, attention and memory. Don’t pass on the healthy grains, please!!

Every meal should include a healthy protein, fat and fiber: Fish, poultry, eggs, beans, or legumes. Lots of fresh greens- Yes eat more veggies!!

Protein every 2-3 hours. Or with every meal and every snack

8 -20 oz of water with apple cider vinegar ( 2 tbs in water before meals)

Cut out caffeine. If you must indulge no caffine before breakfast ( trust me this makes a huge difference!).

Cut out sugar and processed carbohydrates.

Cut out sugary drinks such as alchohol and soda.

Power walk 10 minutes after eating simple,complex carbs or a sugary dessert.

Eat your simple carbs or dessert after your fiber, protein, and fats. Changes the glycemic index up to 70 percent!

Reheat your starches. Enjoying leftover staches or simple carbs lowers the gycemic index level by 25%.

Get a full nights sleep 7-10 hours. Studies show skipping on sleep causes cravings of sugary and high carbohydrated food.

Functional medicine supplement recommendations:

Licorice tea (helps with digestion)

magnesium ( aids sleep and constipation)

B vitamins (supports energy and mood levels)

Nac ( helps manage insuline resistance outcomes, like PCOS)

Myo & D chiro Insoltol ( helps promote healthy insuline levels)

Melatoninin ( Helps aid and sleep)

Let me let you in on my #1 tip for healing your hormones. SHHH! Drum roooooolllll …………..balancing your blood sugar! It’s so effective in starting the healing process you can’t go wrong with starting here. Start with this simple self-care protocol #1 step to your your self-care and wellness journey.

If you need more drop me a message and we can work on it together,

XO-Leah

“Although many of us think hormones are something that happen to us, that isn’t quite right, YOU ARE YOUR HORMONES” – Sarah E Hill

Birth Positions and Comfort Measures

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Yahoo labor! Many people carry excitement, fear, and a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to birth. Can you love your birth? I say yes! Birth is a monumental moment in one’s life. To say you will remember your birth story is an understatement. This is a moment in your life that will be remembered forever; we as women do not forget our birthing stories. They are important keepsakes, etched in our memory hall of fame.

I believe good labor starts with an amazing team; you’ll want to make sure to interview your Dr., midwife and screen anyone else who will be in your birthing room. My number one tip is that it is ok to say no to anyone who will not make you feel safe, have a great bedside manner, and most of all, make you feel comfortable and at peace during labor. You deserve to create your labor space exactly how you envision it. Go ahead ask all the questions, dig deep in your interviews, a good team is the first step to incredible labor.

Getting ready for your big day:

You can have a joyful birth, and you 100 percent deserve a supportive birth story. Educate yourself. By reading this blog, you’re already on the right track. My two favorite birth book recommendations are ” The birth partner by Penny Simpkin” and” Ina’s May’s guide to childbirth,” both found on Amazon. Also, take a birth class; I like the bradly method, birth classes. Fill your mind with positive birth stories, podcasts, and inspirational birth Instagram feed.

Preparing your body for labor week 37 and on: I love a birth ball for weeks coming up to labor, sit and sway, practice rolling your hips. Gentle stretching, brisk walking, perineum massage, Taylor sitting with practicing good posture, and gently supported squatting will help you prepare for birth. Locate your PC muscle that surrounds the birth canal by practicing Kegel exercises, which will strengthen your PC muscle. Practice the cat-cow yoga position, which can help ease back pain and is an epic laboring position. Your body was indeed made to labor and labor well!

What does early labor look like?

Early Labor: Early labor starts with contractions generally about 10-20 minutes apart, 30-60 seconds long. These contractions are generally not painful. You want to keep in mind there is no reason to dash to the hospital just yet. Take some pictures with your partner in this phase. You and your partner can slow dance, a romantic way to start labor out, and the upright position and swaying will help progress your labor. You can gently rock from side to side on your exercise ball or do a figure-eight shape. A good walk and a hearty nap is a great way to start labor. Please, in early labor, go about life as normal, eat, drink, be merry and make sure to get some rest. You will need to save your energy for the hard work ahead.

Transition into active labor: Transition into active labor is when contractions feel a little more intense. You now need to stop and focus on your body during the contraction rushes. This is a great time to start some comfort measures. Heat or cold pack applied to the back, a warm bath or shower, some light counter-pressure applied by your birthing partner or doula is a great way to help this stage. Setting up candles, music, and a soothing shower or bath is a great way to help facilitate the second stage. I like to encourage lots of free movement in this second stage, walk stairs, do supportive squatting, sit with legs straddled over a toilet seat, use your birth ball, peanut ball, or pillows in supportive ways to help engage the baby to move down and keep labor progressing.

Emotional shifts: Emotional shifts are a great way to tell how labor is progressing. In early labor, the emotion you might feel most is excitement; you might be thinking, I think this is it! Excitement will eventually fade into concentration. After excitement shifts to concentration, keep your space calm, dimly lit, and private can help you focus on your labor and breathing, You may no longer be able to walk or talk through contractions. Contractions might be 5-6 minutes apart at this phase, averaging 60 seconds long. You want to call your doula with this second emotional signpost, and she can help you gauge where you are at during your labor.

The 5-1-1– I have my clients generally call me at the 5-1-1. That is when contractions are 5 minutes apart, 60 seconds long for a full hour. However, if they have had their water break, nausea, mucus plug loss, vomiting, and contractions, I have the client call to assess the labor stage access the labor stage. Once the contractions are 3-4 minutes apart, lasting a few seconds long, it is time to head to the hospital. The 5-1-1 gives the doula ample time to get to the location and be with mom before heading into the hospital.

The birth of a baby– Right before the baby is born, it is completely normal to feel self-doubt. Your contraction rushes may feel back to back, and you might feel like you can no longer carry on. When you feel like you can’t, the baby being born is just around the corner!! Encouragement and a good position are crucial during this phase of labor. You want a position that will open the pelvis, squatting or on all fours or hands and knees, are great delivery positions for the baby to be born in, giving plenty of space for the pelvis to open.

You did it!! The baby has arrived, the last stage is the birth of the placenta. The placenta is an important part of the birthing process; it is usually easy to birth. If there are no complications, you can hold the baby during this phase. Delayed cord clamping until the placenta is birthed or until the umbilical cord stops pulsating is recommended. Mom generally feels a surge of joy after the baby is here and safely in her arms.

Should you hire a doula?

Why hire a doula- I gotta put a small jingle in here for a doula hire; yes, you should think about hiring a doula. Why? A doula means “servant” in Greek, and the heart of the birth doula is to serve the mom however she can during her pregnancy labor, birth. As stated before, birth is a profound moment in your life. A doula is trained to help recognize the mother’s needs in labor and helps facilitate those needs. She supports mom and helps aid in comfortable positioning in labor. A doula is an emotional encourager/advocate for mom and dad. She is your trained helping hands to help with resources and knowledge from attending women in birth.

I hope this article brings some inspiration to your birth song,

XOXO- Leah Fellers

Girl Power

Girl Power

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The tides are changing, my friends, and can I say it’s about time! Uplifting conversations about menstruation have found a platform. Our bodies want to be understood and celebrated, and I love that the period positivity movement is doing just that.

We all long to be accepted and to have acceptance; yes, our bodies need acceptance too! Every woman is wired for menstruation. Our bodies as females are made to do this vibrant deep cleaning. The process is profound, our bodies are brilliant, and menstruation is a crucial part of every women’s health.

I accept my full power as a woman and accept all my bodily processes as natural and normal. I love and approve of myself.~ Louise Hays

We are entering a new era of accepting the way our bodies function as women. Helping us uncover a pearl of hidden wisdom, how we as women tick. We have peeled back yet another layer of understanding the hormones that help us achieve menstruation and optimize our daily health.

“I rejoice in who I am. I love my body. I love myself, I love all my cycles. All is well.~ Louise Hays

How have you felt about menstruation?

Take a moment, hands on your womb, deep breath, sending love, light, and healing energy into your womb space. Attune to this space, and listen. What dogmatic views are you holding in this space that is no longer serving you?

Take a moment to journal about your first period; what memories do you have around menarche? Did you feel celebrated?

If needed, find an affirmation that is healing to you and affirm it daily with attention to your womb space to help remove negative lingering thoughts about your body. Any condescending thoughts about your menstrual cycle can be transformed by self-love.

“I am a powerful, dynamic women. Everypart of my body functions perfectly, I love me. ~Louise Hays

Your womb is a sacred space of creation. It’s our wombs that carry the power to create new life. This powerful creating force also hosts new ideas, new projects, new ability to be creative. As you clear out negativity and fill your womb space with love and affection, new and brilliant aspirations will arise.

Now listen up, ladies. Here is your girl power! Harness your energy in flow with your menstrual cycle. Cycle harmony teaches us to use the different phases of our cycle as a superpower. Here are some girl power tips for each phase of your cycle:

Phase 1 Menstruation (winter)- This phase starts the first day of your bleed. Allow yourself rest, solitude, calm, and time to daydream. What’s next? Like the new moon, new beginnings are on the horizon. This time of the month is a reset. Find time to dream, settle in, and slow down.

You might want to add soothing activities to your daily routines, such as meditation, pilates, or a hot bath. It’s time to date yourself. Listening to your thoughts and inner voice for direction is imperative during this time. Feel lost or stuck in life? During menstruation, getting in touch with yourself may help you find a way back to wonder. Choose to let go of the things you are holding on to that are no longer serving you.

Healthy eating tips while on your bleed? Um, pass the red meat please, losing blood means you will need a healthy iron dose. Veggies with iron include kale, beets, parsley, and also fruit prunes. You will want to stay away from any foods that will produce inflammation and cause period pain. This means goodbye, dairy, white bread, sugar, junk food, and alcohol but please pass the deep leafy greens that will help quench inflammation! Taking a b12 supplement will help with energy levels.

Phase 2 Follicular phase (spring)- First seven or so days after menstruation is called the follicular phase. Estrogen is now starting to ramp up for ovulation to occur. You might feel optimistic, playful, and adventurous. The world is your oyster, lots of new ideas and initiatives might be rolling around in your head.

As the moon gradually is waxing so too are you in this phase of your cycle, a little by little bit by bit enjoy putting things back on your plate a little at a time. Remember your energy is gradually building in this phase and your output should match this gradual build.

Healthy eats for this phase: Try wheatgrass, a great hormonal balancer, and cooling foods such as lettuce, fresh fruits like peaches and pears, cucumbers, soy, and tempeh. Pumpkin and flax seeds help support estrogen and are a great choice for this phase. Enjoy lighter meals with protein on colorful salads, and top it off with healthy fats such as olive oil and avocado.

Phase 3 Ovulation ( summer)- Drum roll, please!!!! The show stopper of your cycle. Your energy is now at its peak! This part of your cycle is like a full moon. Giving, gratitude and wonder are in this phase. You might feel expressive and outgoing. Enjoy the limelight, lady. Tis’ the time to socialize more and work later, your superwomen powers are now at work.

You might feel more attractive during this phase because your stomach will slightly flatten, and your boobs will firm up and be rounder. You will also produce pheromones that send a message of ovulation to men. In this portion of your cycle, you will most likely feel like engaging in sexual activity.

Trying to conceive? A supplement like royal jelly, vitamin C, zinc, and a good multivitamin can help you achieve good egg health for conception. It is a must to cut out alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana for both men and women to achieve optimal egg and sperm health. Don’t over-exercise, which can put stress on your body, throwing off ovulation.

Eating tips for ovulation: Your body has been working hard in the production of producing an egg. Add some healthy carbohydrates and starches. Sweet potatoes, red potatoes, brown rice, quinoa, whole-grain bread are excellent choices.

Phase 4 Luteal phase (fall) – This phase starts after ovulation. Your inner wild woman and truth-teller may show her face in this phase. Edgy and blunt, she has a place to be heard, and yes, you will hear her. Spouses, this is a great time to listen. With the rose color glasses of estrogen waning in this portion of your cycle, it is easier to identify what is actually bothering you. If you have a flare-up within yourself, producing a harsh inner critic or lashing out at the people around you, remember to be kind and patient with yourself and your spouse. Practice effective communication, which is rational.

This is the best portion of your cycle for extra self-care. Allow yourself to pull back from too much social activity to start preparing for menstruation. Like the waning moon, let your activity levels wane as well. Progesterone, a hormone at play in this portion of your cycle, is a calming and soothing hormone, reducing anxiety. If you find yourself with anxiety in this portion of your cycle, your estrogen levels are perhaps dominant.

Your luteal phase is the best time for your project checklist to be knocked out. You may feel the urge to clean or to check off a lingering office project. Progesterone brings focus, rational thinking, and attention to detail.

Eating tips for this phase of your cycle: Eat well, make smaller meals, and don’t overeat. Make sure to drink plenty of water. Your metabolism rises in this phase, which sometimes causes cravings. Eating more protein and healthy high-fat foods may help you feel fuller for longer. If you can’t deny your sweet tooth in this phase, reach for dark chocolate, which has antioxidants. Taking a magnesium supplement in this phase of your cycle can help with achiness, sore breasts, and irregular sleeping patterns.

Remember, everybody is different, this is a generalized overview, but only you know how you feel during your cycle. Charting or journaling is a great way to identify your individual shifts in your cycle and how you feel at those times. Want more information on charting? Please read my blog on the Fertility Awareness Method here: https://leahroshelfellers.com/home/using-the-fertility-awareness-method/.

Have you heard about seed cycling? It may help by supporting hormonal balance during your cycle. I’d love to send you free instructions on how to seed cycle. Drop me a note in my contact box and say “seed cycle,” and I’ll send that right over:)

Until next time,

XO Fertile Myrtle

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Fertility Awareness Method

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I am taking the time to answer questions about FAM I love this method because it helps women connect and understand their bodies. I like to think of this method as a gold mine of exploration into our magnificent bodies!

What is FAM? Fertility Awareness Method is a method of body observation. You will come to understand your body’s cycles, your fertile window, and your feminine health.

What are the benefits of charting? There are numerous benefits to charting that lay outside of knowing your fertile or infertile days. Body literacy is one of my favorite reasons to start charting because no two bodies are alike. The information we can glean by paying attention to our body’s cyclic ways will help us take charge of our gynecological health.

By charting information about your unique cycle, you can have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips to bring to your physician or gynecologist when needed. You will know details about your fertility, menstruation, hormonal imbalances, premenstrual symptoms, and FAM will help you troubleshoot issues like anovulation ( lack of ovulation), PCOS, and miscarriages.

Should I chart if I don’t want to get pregnant? Yes! Using FAM for birth control takes discipline. If you are committed to charting your temperatures alongside using a barrier method like condoms or abstaining from sex during fertile days, this method is for you.

Women are only fertile for six days of a twenty-eight to thirty-two-day cycle. By using FAM, you can take control of your fertility.  The Fertility Awareness Method is a holistic option that can save your body from hormonally disrupting synthetic birth controls.

How do I start to chart? Download and print a free chart. You can find a chart here: https://www.tcoyf.com/downloadable-charts/

Fertility Awarness is tracked by the observation of these three things:

Observation of fluids: The process for sperm to reach an egg needs to be hosted by the alkalinity and appropriate amount of the cervical fluid. Charting your cervical fluids by using the word “dry,” “slippery,” “stretchy,” “eggwhite,” or “creamy” after observing your cervical fluids when wiping will help you in the process of identifying your fertile and unfertile window.

You’ll also want to take note of your menstruation, tracking the number of days, texture, color, and PMS symptoms. Because menstruation is a monthly report card into your health, this information is valuable and an essential part of understanding your body’s wellbeing. The day you start to Menstruate is day #1 on each month’s chart.

Basal Body Thermometer– Using a thermometer will help you gather three critical questions on your fertile journey. 1.) If you are ovulating, 2.) If your luteal phase an adequate length (necessary for implantation purposes), 3.) whether or not you have conceived during conception can all be indicated with your thermometer.

Cervical Position: Every cervix will shift during your cycle and can be a helpful guide to tracking fertile and unfertile days. Is your cervix high, soft, wet, and open? If so, sperm can swim into your uterus, and you have a chance of pregnancy when ovulation has occurred. Or is your cervix low and closed, like pushing on the end of your nose? Your cervix now is blocking sperm from entering. Ovulation has already passed, and the cervix is no longer open for service.

Is FAM the same as the Rythm Method? FAM is not the Rythm Method in which it often is confused. The difference is that the Rythm Method is a guessed calculation of a fertile window by observing prior cycles. Leaving a wide-open window for pregnancy or missed conception possibilities because your ovulation can change month to month. FAM is a scientifically proven method of birth control that is 90 percent effective, which is equivalent to using a condom.

The Fertility Awareness Method is about becoming more self-aware of what is going on inside of your body. I like to add another component along with charting the physical aspects of your cycle. I ask myself how my body is feeling today, physically, emotionally, mentally?  Making a quick note of these things can help you attune and understand what you might need during the day to help you be the best you can be. Attuning to your needs is a daily gift you can give to yourself.

Charting is always the first step in helping clients on their fertility journey. I am here for Q and A:)

XOXO- Leah

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Let Go and Let Femininity Flow.

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Voila Feminine. I love femininity! There is something about being in a room full of women that ignites a spark, a love, and a joy of being female.

Embracing ourselves as women should make us feel free, settled, and at home within ourselves. Femininity has less to do with that little black dress ( even though I love that too) and more to do with the collective Feminine energy we as women internally vibrate. 

In Chinese medicine, the Feminine is the yin; to the Masculine Yang. The Feminine essence is dark, private, cold in nature, slow in movement, close to the earth, and a creative force that palpitates the electromagnetic universe. It balances the Masculine yang, which is bright, public, and hot. The Masculine exudes in a manner that is busy and fast.

Every woman hosts some Male yang energies within her being that develops wholeness within her Femininity. Just as every man can nurture and create, which are considered feminine forces at work, so can women attain and rise within the Masculine. The more the internal environment is balanced, the more we will enjoy and appreciate the opposite sex in his/her Masculinity and Femininity.

Decades into the twentieth-first-century, women have developed a hyper-Masculine life. We have replaced the authentic Feminine with a sexualized version of Femininity. As we have collectively pursued fast-paced careers that meet a false alter ego, that women need to be “equal” to men.

Instead of celebrating the uniqueness of the different giftings, we carry as Male and Female. We have applied a one size fits all approach. In doing such we throw away our right to the Feminine quest, to nurture, create, explore, hosting a celebration for the truly elegant. Modern-day expectations in our chaotic day to day environment leave women feeling inadequate and depleted.

“What’s needed is the power of the Feminine. Feminine is not a solution; rather, it’s the Feminine in relationship with the Masculine that’s the way forward allowing both their full brilliance.“- Quote from Wild Power

Can we collectively hold space for the Feminine? Can we embrace our sense of selves that might be buried by the hyper-active Masculine? Can we learn to champion ourselves and others in the vibrating intuition of women?  It’s time we came home within ourselves feeling settled within our nature as powerful Women.

Grounding yourself in the Feminine means cultivating and embracing your nurturing self. Caring for yourself involves time, energy, and money spent on yourself. Setting time for yourself can mean a lot more “No’s” to take on the needs of the world and making space for your own.

Feminine Grounding Tips :

  • Get Creative ( Draw, paint, do pottery, take a tap class, bake a cake, take photos, find something that expands creativity within you)
  • Connect With Nature ( walking, hiking, forest bathing, collect wildflowers, get out there and enjoy!)
  • Love Being You. ( There is no one else like yourself; stop trying to conform to others’ expectations that will never allow you to function as yourself).
  • Get Wild ( Find something out of your comfort zone that will help you step into freedom and expansion. Take a belly dancing class, go skydiving, or take acting lessons. Find something that seems exciting that you would never take time to do and do it!)
  • Cultivate Joy ( fill your day with small things that make your day pleasant. Take your lunch break in a park, laugh with a podcast on the way to work, treat yourself to a warm drink, make a “tah-dah” list of all the things you have accomplished today and pat yourself on the back).
  • Buy yourself one luxury item, non-necessity of your liking this week ( a painted teacup, a cozy robe, a crystal vase, find something that speaks of beauty to you, and allow yourself to buy it).
  • Throw away one low self-worth item, an old pair of shoes or outfit, and replace it with something you love.
  • Make a list of people who encourage and uplift you. Take the time to make a phone call or take a date with one of those friends. On the opposite end, maybe it’s time to dump a friend who drags you down and only thinks about him/herself.
  • Find time to sit in silence, journal, and hear your inner voice. I promise it is begging to speak with you!
  • Wonder, drift and give yourself space for time to do nothing at all (window shopping anyone?)
  • Be present and intentional. ( Eat well, sleep well, have intentional conversations, enjoy your husband and kids, stay present and thankful for the good things already given in your life).

As women, we have for far too long poured from empty cups. You are worth being poured into! A permission slip to do so:)

XOXO

Leah Fellers

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Why I Became a Doula

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Every Doula has a story behind why she has chosen to be a labor companion. Our collective nature is fueled by helping women; women’s health and vitality are at the center of our hearts. We have a reverence for birth, pregnancy, and babies. We are DOULAS. Women who have given our lives to support other women.

My passion, like most passions, stemmed from my own birth experience. My birth experience ignited a fire deep inside to help others live something different.  Here is my birth story, that started it all:)

It was 2005, the year I was pregnant with my first-born son Ty.  I was an exuberant nineteen-year-old, who had not yet figured out who she was, yet had conceived a child. Like most teens, I was unaware of my body and was unattuned to how powerful, perfect, and intelligent my body was. 

I chose to have my firstborn son in the hospital ( my second child was born at home, but that is another blog:).  For my son, a hospital birth was a blessing; he arrived at 30 weeks premature.  The Dr. diagnosed my son’s prematurity condition in connection to my stress levels. Being a full-time working mama without any reliable partner support, the diagnosis the Dr. had given matched the season perfectly.

On the day of my birth, a sunny day in November, I worked retail at a boutique store when my contractions started in at about four minutes apart. I had three days of prior Braxton hicks but did not think anything of them (hello, unaware, and not attuned to my own body). I remember not wanting to call the Dr. I had made up my mind that I was sure whatever I was experiencing was not labor and did not want to burden him on a Sunday where he was not taking non-emergency calls.  

However…..within the hour, I found myself loading up in a car to be checked in at the hospital. 

VULNERABLE, NAKED, FRIGID, LAID BARE, EXPOSED, PANIC, TENSION, CHOAS…. Labor from that point on was an emergency. I had to change hospitals and was taken by ambulance to a hospital with a NICU unit. I remember the feeling of being muted in the background of bodies in medical scrubs. The feeling of helplessness swept over me as the impulses in my body took over. Every decision in the hospital presented was overwhelming. My hospital room, with a shower curtain panel for a door, left little to no room for privacy. The sheet curtain rotated with strangers faces watching the most intimate parts of myself laid bare.  I struggled to navigate the reality of which I was living. I was surrounded but felt utterly alone.

  As I progressed to 10 cm at 10 pm, the nursing staff promptly ushered me into the emergency room. Gappy eyed students waited for my arrival to watch me as Dr. RANDOM delivered my baby. I don’t remember any verbal allowance to let people observe my birth experience; like many decisions that day, I was unaware and uninformed.

  MY SWEET BABY WAS BORN. I remember getting to look at my son as he was wheeled away in a plastic heating device to be taken straight to the recovery unit for preemies. His full head of black hair, his tiny 3-pound body, his precious little face all tubed for oxygen for his underdeveloped lungs. I grappled with my first mothering moments, my son nowhere present.

In the three months of hospitalization to follow, I had many missed opportunities to bond with my newborn. Breastfeeding and a joyful postpartum slipped through the cracks of trying to hold down a full-time job and back to back hospital runs. The blur of motherhood around those first months and even years was insane. I, like so many women, needed support.

I believe with all do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. I hope my story lays a nonjudgemental, compassionate foundation for those who have similar stories. I want ALL mothers to be strong, mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.  Anna Verwaal said it well: “A woman, as long as she lives, will remember how she was made to feel at her birth.” It matters, and we (doulas) want to help make it an experience that is the best it can possibly be. “

My own birth story has motivated me to come beside you in yours. I believe together we can create something beautiful and memorable,

XOXO

Leah Fellers